When exam pressure becomes overwhelming, understanding the emotions behind a young person's behaviour may be just as important as helping them prepare.
As exam season approaches, much of our attention naturally turns towards preparation. We encourage students to revise, manage their time, complete practice questions and make the most of the weeks remaining. Parents begin checking whether enough studying is happening, while teachers remind students of important deadlines and the significance of the assessments ahead.
Yet exam preparation is not simply an academic exercise. It can also be an intensely emotional experience, particularly for young people who are already finding it difficult to manage expectations, organise their work or maintain confidence in their abilities.
In my previous article, ADHD and Exams: When Pressure and Expectations Build, https://www.bigadhdcoaching.com.au/insights/adhd-exams-executive-function, I explored the executive functioning demands involved in preparing for assessments. But there is another aspect of exam preparation that deserves attention. What happens when a young person knows what they need to do, understands the consequences of not doing it, and still finds themselves becoming increasingly distressed, frustrated or unable to cope?
As a teacher with over 19 years of experience and through my work as an ADHD coach, I have become increasingly interested in the relationship between what we ask young people to do and how they experience those expectations. Sometimes the greatest barrier to completing a task is not a lack of understanding or willingness, but the emotional experience that has become associated with it.
When Small Setbacks Feel Enormous
Most of us recognise that exams can be stressful. We expect students to feel nervous, worry about their results or become frustrated when they encounter difficult material. However, for some young people with ADHD, managing those emotional responses can present an additional challenge.
Emotional dysregulation is increasingly recognised as an important associated difficulty for many individuals with ADHD, although it is not experienced by everyone and is not itself a core diagnostic criterion. Shaw and colleagues (2014) examined the relationship between ADHD and emotional regulation, highlighting how difficulties managing emotional responses can contribute significantly to everyday impairment.
During exam preparation, this may become apparent in situations that seem relatively minor to an adult. A student might become intensely frustrated after getting several practice questions wrong. They may react angrily when reminded to study, become tearful because they have fallen behind their revision schedule or abandon an entire study session after encountering one particularly difficult topic.
From the outside, the intensity of the response may seem disproportionate to what has happened. We might wonder why one incorrect answer has caused so much distress or why a simple reminder has led to an argument.
But the immediate event may be only one part of the experience. The student may already be carrying worries about their results, disappointment about previous attempts to study, frustration with their own difficulties or concerns about letting other people down. The incorrect answer or reminder becomes another demand added to an already difficult situation.
Understanding this does not mean that every emotional response is caused by ADHD, nor does it mean that expectations and boundaries should disappear. It means recognising that the behaviour we see may not tell us everything about what the young person is experiencing.
The Pressure of Not Meeting Expectations
One of the more difficult aspects of exam preparation is the way expectations can gradually become internalised. Students are reminded that their results matter, that they need to use their time wisely and that the work they do now will influence what happens next.
These messages are usually intended to encourage responsibility and effort. However, a young person who is already struggling may begin interpreting them as evidence that they are falling short.
They may know that they should have started revising earlier. They may be aware that their friends appear more organised or that their parents are worried about their progress. They may genuinely want to do well but feel increasingly uncertain about whether they can meet the expectations placed upon them.
For some students, this creates a difficult relationship with studying itself. Opening a textbook becomes a reminder of how much they have not completed. Looking at a revision timetable highlights how far behind they feel. A practice test becomes less an opportunity to identify what needs attention and more a measure of whether they are succeeding or failing.
Over time, the emotional demands associated with studying can become another barrier to beginning.
I think this is an important consideration for parents and educators. When a student is struggling, our instinct is often to emphasise the importance of the task. We remind them that exams are approaching or that they cannot afford to waste any more time. Yet the student may already be painfully aware of those things.
What they need may not be another reminder of the consequences, but help finding a way to approach the work without becoming overwhelmed by everything it represents.
When Gaming Becomes an Escape
One behaviour that can be particularly frustrating for parents during exam periods is watching their child spend hours gaming or scrolling through social media while revision remains unfinished.
It can be difficult to understand why a young person who claims they cannot concentrate on studying appears perfectly capable of remaining engaged in a game for an extended period. The contrast can reinforce the impression that the student is choosing entertainment over responsibility.
However, these activities can offer something that studying may not: immediate feedback, clear goals, a sense of progress and opportunities to experience success. They can also provide distraction from uncomfortable thoughts and feelings.
For a young person who feels increasingly anxious or defeated by exam preparation, gaming may become a way of temporarily escaping those emotions. While playing, they do not have to think about the unfinished revision, the approaching deadline or the possibility of disappointing someone.
The relief can be genuine, even when the student knows that avoiding the work will create difficulties later.
This pattern is not unique to ADHD. Research examining coping and emotional regulation in children and adolescents has identified associations between avoidance-based coping and greater psychological difficulties (Compas et al., 2017). However, it is important not to assume that every student who games during exam season is engaging in unhealthy avoidance.
Gaming can also be a legitimate form of recreation, social connection and recovery. A young person who has spent the day studying may benefit from time doing something enjoyable that requires no academic effort.
The distinction lies less in the activity itself than in the role it is playing. Is gaming helping the young person relax and return to their responsibilities, or is it becoming the primary way they avoid situations they feel unable to manage?
Sometimes it may be both.
This is where I think curiosity becomes more useful than immediate judgement. Rather than focusing exclusively on how many hours have been spent gaming, we might need to understand what makes returning to the study task so difficult.
The same consideration applies to other forms of avoidance, including excessive scrolling, withdrawing from family interactions or repeatedly finding unrelated tasks to complete. Some young people may also respond to distress through behaviours that raise more serious concerns about their wellbeing. These situations require attention to the specific behaviour and its risks, rather than assuming that all forms of avoidance are equivalent.
The Cycle of Avoidance and Increasing Pressure
One of the difficulties with avoidance is that it can provide short-term relief while leaving the original problem unresolved.
A student who feels overwhelmed by a revision task may turn to an enjoyable activity and experience an immediate reduction in discomfort. However, the task remains unfinished. As the examination approaches, the amount of available time decreases, and the student may become even more worried about their preparation.
When they next attempt to study, the task can feel more intimidating than before.
This can create a cycle in which increasing pressure leads to avoidance, avoidance provides temporary relief, and the resulting lack of progress creates even greater pressure.
Parents may respond by increasing supervision, restricting access to games or repeatedly reminding their child to study. Sometimes clear boundaries around technology are necessary and helpful. However, restrictions alone may not resolve the underlying difficulty if the young person still feels unable to begin or cope with the work.
I think it is worth considering what happens immediately before a student turns away from studying. Have they encountered something they do not understand? Are they uncertain where to begin? Have they become frustrated because the work is taking longer than expected? Are they worried about getting the answers wrong?
Identifying the point at which the student disengages can tell us much more than simply observing that they have stopped working.
It also gives us a better opportunity to intervene before the situation becomes an argument about screens, effort or responsibility.
When Regulation Needs to Come Before Revision
During moments of heightened emotional distress, it can be tempting to focus on resolving the academic problem immediately. We want the student to finish the question, return to their desk or continue with the timetable because there is limited time remaining.
Yet there are occasions when continuing to insist on the task may make it harder for the young person to engage.
A student who is highly frustrated, tearful or overwhelmed may need support to settle before they can think clearly about what to do next. This does not necessarily require an elaborate intervention. It may involve allowing some space, acknowledging that the situation feels difficult, reducing the immediate demands or helping the student step away briefly before returning.
For some young people, movement or a change of environment may help. Others may benefit from talking through what has happened, while some need time without further questions or instructions. The appropriate response will depend on the individual, the situation and the level of distress.
I think we sometimes underestimate how much difference it can make when an adult responds calmly rather than matching the intensity of the moment. A parent who is understandably worried about unfinished revision may feel compelled to keep explaining why the work matters. However, the student may already understand the importance of the task and simply be unable to manage the situation effectively at that point.
Once the emotional intensity has reduced, the conversation can return to what needs to happen next. That might involve choosing one manageable question, reviewing the study plan or deciding that the student needs a genuine break before continuing.
Importantly, regulation is not about removing all expectations or preventing young people from experiencing frustration. It is about helping them develop the capacity to recognise and manage those experiences so they can respond more effectively over time.
Supporting Emotional Awareness and Independence
While adults can play an important role in helping young people manage difficult moments, the longer-term goal is to help students recognise what is happening for themselves.
This involves developing an awareness of the early signs that pressure is becoming overwhelming. For one student, these might include restlessness, irritability or difficulty concentrating. Another may notice that they begin rushing through questions, becoming unusually self-critical or repeatedly reaching for their phone.
Recognising these patterns creates opportunities to respond before the situation escalates.
A student who understands that frustration tends to increase when they encounter unfamiliar questions may learn to pause, identify what they do understand and seek help with the specific point of difficulty. Another may recognise that studying for too long without a break makes it harder to manage setbacks and adjust their approach accordingly.
These strategies will not eliminate exam stress, and they should not be presented as quick solutions to complex emotional difficulties. However, they can help young people develop a greater understanding of their responses and begin taking an active role in managing them.
There is also an important distinction between the support provided through coaching and the support that may be needed when emotional difficulties are persistent, intense or significantly affecting a young person's wellbeing. Anxiety, depression and other mental health concerns can occur alongside ADHD, and significant distress should not automatically be attributed to executive functioning difficulties or exam pressure. In these circumstances, assessment and support from an appropriately qualified mental health professional may be important.
As an ADHD coach, I see value in working collaboratively with families and other professionals, recognising that different forms of support address different needs. Helping a young person develop study strategies and self-awareness can complement, rather than replace, psychological support where it is needed.
Looking Beyond the Behaviour
As parents and educators, we often encounter young people's difficulties through their behaviour. We notice the unfinished work, the angry response, the hours spent gaming or the refusal to begin studying. These are the visible parts of the situation, and they understandably demand our attention.
But I think it is worth asking what we might be missing when we focus only on what the student is doing.
A young person who appears disengaged may be worried about failing. A student who reacts angrily to a reminder may already feel deeply frustrated with themselves. Someone who retreats into gaming may be seeking a temporary sense of competence or relief from expectations they do not know how to manage.
Of course, we cannot assume that these explanations apply to every student or every situation. Sometimes a young person simply wants to play a game instead of studying, just as adults sometimes choose an enjoyable activity over something they would rather avoid. Understanding ADHD should not mean interpreting every behaviour as a symptom or removing personal responsibility.
What it can do is encourage us to look beyond our first interpretation and consider whether the young person needs a different kind of support.
Exam results matter, and it is reasonable for families and schools to encourage students to prepare and take their responsibilities seriously. But I think we also need to consider what young people are learning about themselves during this period.
Are they beginning to recognise when they are overwhelmed? Can they identify the difference between needing a break and avoiding something difficult? Are they learning that frustration is manageable, that setbacks do not define their ability and that asking for support is part of developing independence?
These lessons may not appear on an examination paper, but they can influence how young people approach challenges well beyond their school years.
Perhaps one of the most valuable things we can do during exam season is to remember that the student in front of us is managing more than a revision schedule. They are also navigating expectations, emotions, relationships and their developing understanding of themselves.
And sometimes, before we ask them to do more, we need to understand what is making the next step so difficult.
References
Compas, B. E., Jaser, S. S., Bettis, A. H., Watson, K. H., Gruhn, M. A., Dunbar, J. P., Williams, E., & Thigpen, J. C. (2017). Coping, emotion regulation, and psychopathology in childhood and adolescence: A meta-analysis and narrative review. Psychological Bulletin, 143(9), 939–991. https://doi.org/10.1037/bul0000110
Shaw, P., Stringaris, A., Nigg, J., & Leibenluft, E. (2014). Emotion dysregulation in attention deficit hyperactivity disorder. American Journal of Psychiatry, 171(3), 276–293. https://doi.org/10.1176/appi.ajp.2013.13070966
